Pawan Kumar

Pawan Kumar
Originally uploaded by An Smith.

I decided to take Pawan for breakfast this morning. I've noticed him hanging around the temples and my hotel for the past few days and this morning he asked me for money from my country for his "coin collection". I didn't have any Canadian change but he was pretty happy with the Vietnamese money I scrounged up (I had to explain where Vietnam was because he had never heard of it!).

He followed me around talking to me about Pushkar and helped me find a place that would do a cash advance on my Visa. I knew he was probably pretty hungry (his mother doesn't make breakfast, there is only food enough for dinner) so I invited him to eat with me at a tourist cafe. The owners wouldn't let us sit upstairs, but rather to the side so nobody could see us!

He's only 12 years old and he spends his mornings begging from the tourists..spare change, chapati, biscuits... today he is trying to get a new pair of shoes. In the afternoons he goes to school because a family from Spain paid to send him for the next five years. His father works sewing clothes for tourist shops but drinks away his income. His mother doesn't do anything. The family relies on the money that Pawan can bring in so they can eat, pay rent (about $18CND per month) and buy other necessities. Today was his first chocolate ice cream shake ever and I practically had to twist his arm that I didn't mind.

Pawan has two younger brothers, which he won't allow to work. He thinks they are to young (although he was younger when he started begging at seven years old) and wants to keep them away from this type of work. He doesn't have a glimmer of childhood in his eyes and it's not that easy to get him to laugh. He told me that his biggest dreams are to be a pilot (he did laugh when I thought he said Pirate) and to live in Europe. He says that they won't come true, dreams like that won't be possible for him, so he prays to God every day that he will be reborn a European in his next life. He doesn't like living in India at all. I asked him what he does for fun, does he play football or games? He actually looked confused and asked me what I meant!

The story is the same for all of the kids we've interacted with over the last few months. It really teaches you a lot about compassion and tolerance and I struggle with it everyday. Some days I get so annoyed with these children! Not a day goes by where I don't get harassed for spare change or food constantly and it begins to wear at you. Sometimes I pretend they don't exist, sometimes I tell them no and to leave me alone and other times I melt and buy them food or drink. Every once and a while I feel like screaming and stomping like a five year old because I want to help every single child and ignoring them feels so wrong and it is so frustrating to be faced with it and be totally useless. I know I shouldn't even buy them food because it doesn't teach them anything. It doesn't make them work harder to go to school and try and get a job. Pawan said it is not possible for him to get a job in a shop and he tries to work for the tourist authority as an official guide, but obviously he is too young and they can't hire him. He has friends from Australia and a week ago he received a letter from them. They had sent him photos and 1000 rupee which is about $30 bucks. The postman opened the letter and stole the money! I asked him if he got mad at the postman for stealing and he said no, that the Gods watch the postman and when he dies the Gods will get him in trouble for stealing from a poor boy and his family.

Everyday that he goes to town to beg he prays on his way in that the Gods will be happy with him today and the tourists will give him money. He doesn't have a favorite God because he is too worried that he will anger the others if he favours one. I asked him if he ever gets mad at God that he is poor but he says no, only sometimes he gets irritated but he would never be officially mad at God.

He wishes he could learn to swim, and I would happily teach him but they won't let him in the pool at my hotel. The sign says Indians 9am-11am, Tourists 11am-6pm. Imagine?

The hardest part about travelling like this is learning how to face how real the world is outside of our cozy lives and deal with the guilt of having just about everything and not having very much appreciation for it!

On a much brighter note, we had dinner the other night in a hotel restaurant. The tables were low to the ground and you sit on cushions around the perimeter of a sandy garden. There was a cow in one corner that the staff kept chasing out of the kitchen, a giant German Shepherd tried to cozy up in our laps and then a cat took a huge poop in the middle of the restaurant!! UM! Can someone call the health authorities please :)

AND the guy with the cow with five legs put a curse on me this morning because I wouldn't give him money. Dammit!