Hanoi

Picture something similar to a boxing day sale at Harrod's. All of a sudden pandamonium breaks out when two girls start fighting over the last pair of designer cut-offs (um, and remember you can't actually wear those designer cut-offs IN the store.. they do have a dress code..right Catherine?) Anyway, that was kind of my morning but the girls were frenzied Vietnamese and the shorts were..our passports. Okay. So I've managed to make my mother and sister giggle but everyone else is lost?

It started 40ish hours ago..we left Vang Vieng (no we didn't tube..don't ask..but there were alot of FRIENDS reruns) via Vientiene with a final destination of Hanoi. Thirty bloody hours on a bus in total..yuck. We bought food, we brought our sleeping bags on board and we even managed to get two seats each. Looking good so far. The most bizarre part (besides the constant honking, swerving of the bus and slamming of the breaks to avoid dogs and children) was that we actually arrived at the border at 1am and the bus driver proceeded to shut the bus off and slept until 7am (at which point the border opened). WHY wouldn't we just leave 6 hours later? That is a very good question of which I have no answer.

Anyway, we sleepily walked into to get our Laos exit stamp and it was like mad chaos.. we (being the ten foreigners on the bus) had to literally form a human wall so that the locals didn't push through us and force there way to the window. There was no line, and they practically tried to get between your legs so they could get stamped without waiting, regardless of the fact that we were there first and waiting patiently as you normally would in that situation. And they just kept coming out of nowhere and pushing and yelling and ..it was really way to much for that early in them morning and no coffee ;)

So.. we did eventually arrive in Hanoi and it's absolutely mental here. I freakin' love it! The traffic is like nothing I have ever seen before (I thought Bangkok and Marakkesh were bad?) but this is just nuts. Crossing the road is terrifying.. kind of like an advanced level of Frogger. They don't follow the lights (ie. yes they still go through red lights and maybe just use more caution but even that I doubt). There are streets and streets of 'stuff'. Vendors selling knockoffs of everything you can imagine..knockoff candy..purses, belts.. anyway, it seems great.

Going to get up at 6:00am and do Tai Chi in the park? Hm. I should go to bed.

Road Rules: Asia

*Applies to Buses and Mini Vans*

1. Honk loudly and with frequency. This ensures that anything smaller than you gets out of the way (this includes but is not limited to scooters, woman & children, cows and tuk tuks).

2. When passing other vehicles only do so at bends in the road. This makes it more exciting for the passengers and the driver (not knowing if there is oncoming traffic is fun).
a) When passing on the curve ensure you are going really fast so that you can take the bend on two wheels and make that cool tire/pavement screechy noise.

3. If passing through a small village increase your speed to double the speed limit (refer to rule #1 re: honking). The kids and/or dogs who are playing and crossing the road get out of the way so it's fun (it kind of makes it like frogger but like, in reality!).

4. It doesn't really matter what side of the road you drive on. We do recommend the right side for continuity and to ensure road harmony. Keep in mind that the left, middle or side of the road also work just fine (refer to rule #1 re: honking and #2 re: overtaking).

5. When taking tourists on package tours be sure to leave an hour after the scheduled departure and THEN go to fill up the vehicle with gas.

6. Always remember, traffic cops are only there to accept bribes (we recommend you keep lots of small bills on hand).

Any questions?

Opium Villages, Mud Fights and Kayaking Delirium

The truck picked Dan, Tim, Denise and I up at 8:45AM from our guest house and drove us into town to get breakfast before heading north of Luang Prabang for a three day trek through the villages and jungles of Laos. It was just the four of us this time with a guide ($45US for all meals and accomodation for the duration) which was perfect!! The first night would be staying at a Hmong Village and the second would be tenting beside a river. We had just spent two days biking around the city (and a 20km bike UP hill to a 'waterfall the day before) and our legs were slightly killed but we were totally motivated for the trekking. Couldn't be THAT hard right :)

A thirty minute drive from hell (I was certain I was going to fly out of the back of the truck!!!) and we found ourselves waste deep in a fast moving river. We had to cross to the other side with our packs on - it was hilarious and next to impossible to keep balance. It would take us six hours to get to the first village, we kept up a pretty good pace stopping to rest a few times and eat lunch.

We came across one village which was the poorest we have seen yet. In most cases the children seem well fed and happy and healthy and there is access to food, clean water and a school. They live very differently from us but there is nothing wrong with the way they live. In this case there was neither of the things that made it okay... The children were really sick (terrible coughs) and they didn't have a school or access to clean water. They had to bathe and get water from the same lake that the cows and chickens used for the same purpose. It was eye opening and totally heartbreaking.

The first night we stayed in a village that was completely cracked out. Everyone was on Opium.. it was totally bizarre. Besides the all night puke fest outside our cabin we had a great dinner and a decent night sleep. Not to mention an amazing dinner that our guide (Huan) prepared for us.

The next morning it was off again, this time only four hours of trekking, with some amazing stops (check Denise's pix..she has some amazing scenery shots). We kayaked for the last half an hour to the spot where we would camp for the night, set up our tents and walked into the village for a snack while dinner was prepared. We sat around with the locals while they practiced their english and tried to teach us how to count in Laos. The guys were drinking Laos whisky.. nasty stuff. Denise and I stayed away :)

Dinner was.. chicken soup. We *knew* that while we were waiting they were killing and cleaning one of the chickens who were running around the village. Um, ew.. but that's what happens so it's okay right? What we didn't realize is that chicken soup meant the entire chicken. Feet, head, bones and ALL. Denise and I couldn't eat after our guide chomped down on the chicken toes and sucked the brain out of the head.

At night we had a bonfire by the beach and the locals sang Laos songs while we tried to compete with our iPod party idea. We lost :) but it was entertaining to say the least.

The next morning we left early for our kayak ride down river back to Luang Prabang and stopped at a waterfall to swim for a few hours. The water is really low right now so the waterfall wasn't as incredible as it could be but it was nice because we were practically the only people there. The water was FREEZING but it was still fun and totally refreshing.

Continuing on we left to finish our trek with a four hour kayak down the Nam Khan river. There were seaweed fights, there were mud fights and there were rapids. At one point the guys completely bailed out at the hardest part of the rapids. Denise and I were laughing so hard at them floating down the river I'm suprised ours didn't capsize as well. Denise and I should be in the olympics for river kayaking.. we kind of kick ass at the rapids :)

The last twenty minutes were perhaps the most delirious of my entire life. Our arms were complete rubber (two to a kayak) and Denise and I could not stop laughing. Mix that with extreme exhaustion and you get silly. We were really glad to hit shore and get back to town.

Luang Prabang

It took us three days to get here..5 hour bus ride from Chiang Mai to Thailand/Laos Border, weird boat across a stream that took 30 seconds, over night in the strangest 'town' I have ever come across and then two days on a slow boat down the Mekong River to Laung Prabang. (The boat meant 8 hours per day on a wooden bench and no stretching room.. my bum is more than a little sore). Scenery was fantastic though and we met some great people. The 2nd night we had a bonfire on the beach..small town with no electricity after 10pm.

Today was perhaps one of the strangest days of my life. We started out renting bikes (best way to see the city..peddle bikes! not motor which are illegal for foreigners???!!!).. anyway, biked around and saw some temples and so on and then decided to have a swim in a river to cool off since it was so hot. We have two new Dutch friends, Dan and Tim, that we have latched on to since the boat ride.. Canada vs. Holland in a seaweed match (we lost..).. we were also swimming with monks who didn't partake in the seaweed match until Denise and I got out.. then it was all hands on deck. Boys wipping seaweed at each other in a muddy river. Quite entertaining :)

So as we were leaving to head back into town we heard music and thought there must be a festival going on and decided to check it out. We were sort of on the outskirts of town at this point but ended up walking into some guys backyard (there was a band and huge stereo setup and tons of people dancing and drinking). The owner was quick to welcome us, it was his new son (River) birth party.. so as you would we spent the next two hours singing and dancing (really, I have never busted moves like we were..it was so funny). We drank, we ate, we danced and we were suddenly the center of the party. They went so far as to announce our names and make each of us come up and dance (like..fast dancing..arms shaking, booty wagging) with a member of the family. I DO have some of this on video and will figure out how to upload it for your viewing pleasure eventually. At the end we were invited into the house to meet River, and they performed a ceremony where each family member tied a white string on our left and right arm (I must have 10 on each and look somewhat like I attempted to commit suicide by slitting my wrists). Each person gave us a blessing as they tied it and we have to leave them on for three days for the blessings to come true. In turn we each tied strings on Rivers left and right arm and then we gave money to the family as a gift. Amazing...words unfortunately can't describe what we just did.

Luang Prabang. Yup, I am so in love with this city. We all are.. didn't really plan on staying here more than a night but we are staying at a beautiful and clean guest house ($3 each per night!!) run by a very nice Lao family (they invited us for spring rolls and beer with them last night before we had dinner in the market!) and the city itself is incredible. I can't really say enough about this place, I can see us staying a week atleast...

On our way out for dinner we wandered into a fair at the temple at the end of the road we are staying on. No tourists.. only locals. All of the kids were playing games and having a ball.. it was fun to see. And the monks were everywhere watching..I think they put it on to raise money. Completely surreal.

Tomorrow morning we are getting up at 5:30am to give offering to the monks as they do a morning walk through the town.

This really is the life :) I officially have zero complaints.

EFALUMPS!!!!!!!!

I had a lunch date yesterday with a boy by the name of Tong Suk, Thai for "Jungle Boy". He has zero table manners, weighs about 240kg and is only 5 years old. By the end of it I was covered in slobber and watermelon, but it was great.. it was hilarious because he is super independent and a complete trouble maker! Not much different than a human 5 year old I suppose :) The idea was *I* would feed him bananas and watermelon but he was very insistent that he was old enough to do it himself. He wins cause he's much bigger.

Denise and I just spent two days at Elephant Nature Park, located an hour north of Chiang Mai in Northern Thailand. It's a safe haven for abused elephants, basically a charity that rescues elephants from all over South East Asia and allows them live the rest of their lives as free as possible and most importantly without abuse. The park is currently at capacity with 31 elephants (AND 36 dogs and 3 cats!!!)

We got to go swimming with the elephants everyday.. we would take a brush and bucket and they lie down and we would dodge elephant poo while we scrubbed them down. Amazing experience in itself.. and the rest of the stay we just 'hung' out with them. Went for walks with them.. fed them and you get the point..just no riding which is not really nice!

We learned that the Thai people have a terrible tradition for training elephants. When they are about 3 years old they are put into a cage and beat with bamboo sticks and terrorized until they become submissive - it normally takes two to three days depending on the elephant. We saw a video (shown on National Geographic) about this tradition and the organization itself and what it is trying to do for the elephants of Thailand.. as a result Lek, the lady who started the organization, had a hit put on her..long story.. it was stopped and she went in to hiding but they ended up poisoning one of her baby elephants as a way to tell her to keep her mouth shut.. it should be the next Hollywood movie..

The point is that they are trying to teach that positive reinforcement is a better training method which needs to be adopted.. read more about it at www.elephantnaturepark.org

See Flickr link for updated pics ...

Oh My Buddha - it's Same Same but Different you see

Woke up this morning frozen and feeling nothing but severe pain in each and every muscle and bone in my entire body, only having had two hours of sleep (if that) I stuggled to get up. I had on every single piece of clothing that was in my pack and was wrapped like a butterfly in a cocoon in blankets. My pillow was a rock with a thin piece of material on it. The bed was a thin matt on the floor of a barn. The barn was on stilts 10 feet above ground and had no electricity (just candles). The floorboards had slits at least an inch wide between them (air conditioning?). The bathroom was a hole in the ground and the shower was the river. We were in a remote Thai village a few hours from Chiang Mai. It was awesome :)

We got up and staggered outside where Mr. Thirty Bhat (aka Mr. Khan) had lit a bonfire. Watched the pigs, cows, dogs, chickens and villagers get the day started while we drank instant coffee with dried carnation milk and tried to defrost our toes. The cows ate banana peels out of our hands and sniffed around for leftovers.

After breakfast (eggs and toast - yummy) we packed up all of our stuff and put our valuables (ipod and digital camera) inside a plastic bag, tied it with a knot and buried it deep inside our packs. Fingers crossed, put the bags on the bamboo raft they made for us last night and climbed on. Our feet were submerged to our ankles and every effort was in keeping our balance (standing) for the three hour river trip back to the truck that would take us back to Chiang Mai. Every once and awhile Mr. Kahn would yell "GET DOWN NOW" and we would drop to our knees and hold on for dear life while we tried to balance through rapids and dodge the rocks (and not crash like that guys boat did.. hhaha!!). Water was to my elbows while I was in the crouched position rushing through rapids and I was drenched from top to bottom. Did I mention my digital camera and my ipod was in my pack hanging on a tripod at the front of the boat? :/ Mr. Kahn would point out "ship wrecked" rafts as we'd pass them and jokingly tell me stories about how the tourists were lost in the rapids and all of there stuff was gone washed away down river. I think he was kidding :)

Three days ago we left with 12 strangers and two guides to trek in the national park north of the city of Chiang Mai. It was two days of hiking straight up the mountain and straight down again. No donkeys like in the Atlast Mountains but still similar. Carrying a day pack with everything I thought needed for the next few days wasn't to bad! It was sweaty, hot, freezing cold, we had amazing views, good people for company and incredible thai food everynight while we say around a bonfire drinking beers and getting to know everyone. Sleeping was not as fun.. but it's part of the experience.

Highlights included an elephant trek through the jungle at the end of day two... We (Denise and I)had to have the biggest elephant so I held on for dear life (fear of slipping off of the plastic seat with a rope *I* had tied across for our safety and crashing to the ground only to summersault further down the side of the mountain and lie dead and mangled at the bottom of the river seemed normal to me) but Denise played with the elephant (no hands even when we were going straight down at a 90 degree angle!!!) and gave him massages where the rope had made indent lines. We discussed how we would never do that again. Seems to mean for the poor elephants. They did appear to be treated okay.. and they even had a baby elephant with them which is apparently a good sign meaning they are happy (won't have babies if they are sad!!??). That's what we were told by some of the people on our tour anyway.

The river rafting was atually quite peaceful most of the time. We just strolled along while we passed elephants and water buffalo and villages with people doing laundry. Denise and I challenged our balance by doing dance moves. Yup.. we were doing the macarena at about 10pm your time, down a river in the jungle in the middle of no where while you all were cleaning up from dinner and getting ready to back to work :)

I have a million more stories to tell.. but no time!! Enjoy the pics.. If I can ever get them uploaded. Slow connection and still trying to finish Bangkok shots..:)

Thailand: The Land of Smiles ??

OR let's try the "Land of Perverts" as Denise wisely renamed it last Friday night :)

I don't mean the locals, not at all in fact.. what I do mean is the European and North American tourists who are here to exploit the Thai women in the sex trade and buy a girlfriend for their vacation.

When we were in Bangkok it wasn't that obvious. We would walk around the city and you would see the odd fat and unattractive sixty year old man with a beatiful and very young Thai girl, and they would be on a 'date'. It would go like this: We would notice them, HE would avoid eye contact, Denise and I would shoot looks of disgust anyway and mutter pervert comments, and they would even seperate when they would see us so it didn't look like they were together. Nothing says "I'm doing something completely wrong and I know it" than that.

Coming to Chiang Mai was a completely different scenario. Not only old sleazy pervs.. but young ones as well!! AND completely hot ones as a matter of fact.. AND no shame. No avoidance of eye contact. Everyone here is doing it so they have no reason to hide it. When you walk down the street the bars are filled with only Thai woman and sleaze ball men. Denise and I actually feel quite invisible ;)

So we went to an "Authentic Muay Thai Boxing Fight" on Friday night. The posters and flyers really hyped it up and they were all over town.. real fights.. nothing staged.. that kind of thing so we were totally excited.. thought it would be a great to spend our night. Sweaty buff men fighting and beer :) BUT, what it turned out to be was a Thai hooker bar. It was Denise and I and Thai woman or lady boys "working it" for the N.A and European men who were looking for a girlfriend for the night or the week or whatever it may be. We had a beer and left (after we played some Jenga - click link for pics HERE and HERE!!). Shot dart eyes all around the bar and went home disgruntled and completely sad and grossed out :(

Nuff bout that.